21 True Causes Why You Are Nonetheless Single

It’s one factor when you stay unattached since you wish to be.

However when you’d quite be one half of a loving, dedicated couple, you would possibly marvel why you’re nonetheless single. 

The mere query, “Why am I alone?” is proof sufficient you’re not okay with the concept of being single for the remainder of your life. Some are, and also you don’t decide them for that. 

However you need a relationship the place you’re feeling linked on a deep degree.

You need intimacy.

You need somebody you may depend on to like you without end. 

So, why is it taking so lengthy?

Is It Regular to be Single for a Lengthy Time? 

The query may need occurred to you: “Is it OK to be single for the remainder of your life?”

You’ve heard the statistics for well being and happiness for single folks vs. those that are a part of a happily-married couple.

You’ve learn the research:

  • Fortunately married folks have a 5% decrease likelihood of coronary heart illness than singles, however 
  • Unhappily married persons are extra more likely to expertise coronary heart illness than those that are fortunately married or single. 
  • Fortunately married persons are much less more likely to endure from despair or wrestle with addictions.
  • Married folks can even pool their sources to afford a nicer place to dwell. 

However this isn’t a contest. You’re not in search of a associate to provide you an edge over coronary heart illness.

Your want for a mutually-fulfilling relationship actually has nothing to do with longevity or a extra spectacular dwelling.

It’s about residing the sort of life you need, which, to you, consists of sharing it with somebody.

Why Am I Nonetheless Single? 21 Causes Why and What To Do About It 

You may have some concept of the the explanation why you’re single, however the next listing might help you see your private obstacles extra clearly.

And with that data, you may take steps to take away them. 

1. Your defenses are up. 

May very well be your upbringing has taught you to be cautious of “dedicated” relationships. However holding these partitions up could make you unapproachable and even intimidating to those that would possibly in any other case present curiosity. 

Actions to take: Seize the primary alternative to share one thing you haven’t shared about your self with somebody you belief (sufficient) to not blab. It doesn’t need to be surprising or deeply private to make you appear extra approachable or extra relatable to others. 

2. You may have a historical past of unhealthy relationships. 

Perhaps previously, you haven’t been choosy sufficient, and also you’ve dated a sequence of people that didn’t worth you or your relationship. They noticed you as somebody to make use of, or because the trophy on their arm, or as their private pot of gold. 

Actions to take: Make an inventory of qualities you wish to see within the individual you decide to, together with a shortlist of pink flags (those you’ve realized to acknowledge). Inform your self you’re not going to accept somebody who doesn’t have the qualities you’re in search of. 

3. You may have a decrease threshold for closeness/intimacy. 

By nature, you don’t really feel as sturdy a necessity for bodily expressions of affection or affection. It’s simply the best way you’re made.

So while you meet somebody whose threshold is larger, you would possibly really feel smothered by their obvious must hug, maintain arms, kiss, etcetera. 

Actions to take: Resolve which situation appeals to you most: 

  • Remaining single 
  • Adapting to a relationship with somebody who has the next threshold for intimacy
  • Ready for somebody with an intimacy threshold much like your personal

4. Your requirements are unrealistic.

It’s not as if your life as a single individual is so dangerous that any associate will do. However when you’re feeling remorse over somebody you may need prematurely dominated out, your requirements could also be too excessive for mere mortals to achieve. 

Actions to take: Get clear on the must-have qualities in your future associate and distinguish them from the nice-to-have qualities. By all means, hold onto the dealbreakers. However be keen to think about somebody who has all of the must-haves however few (or none) of the nice-to-haves. It could possibly be they’ve acquired qualities you’ll get pleasure from much more.

5. Your vanity is low (and never simply since you’re single).

Low vanity has a means of creating itself recognized. It reveals in the way you costume, your eye contact and facial expressions, and your bearing — in addition to in what you say out loud. 

And as you might have already got seen, wholesome vanity is extra engaging than unhealthy vanity (i.e., one which’s both too excessive or too low). 

Actions to take: Take steps immediately and on daily basis to domesticate wholesome vanity: 

  • Make an inventory of moments while you felt pleased with your self. 
  • Discover methods to specific your distinctive model (not another person’s).
  • Find time for stuff you’re good at and that you simply get pleasure from. 

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6. You’re fast to despair of your possibilities with somebody. 

Courting is aggressive. And you’ll’t win all of them. However you solely must win the one which issues. And the individuals who don’t select you (at first or ever) shouldn’t make you despair of assembly somebody who will select you. 

Actions to take: Consider those that don’t select you as “follow” dates for the one who’ll be price all the trouble and heartache. Get clear on the sort of individual you’re in search of, and maintain striving to grow to be the sort of individual you wish to be — for his or her sake and yours.

7. You’re used to being single. 

Being in a dedicated relationship will imply giving up among the freedoms you get pleasure from as a single individual. And whilst you’re open to adapting (for somebody price it), you would possibly subconsciously be sabotaging your self to carry onto the perks of bachelorhood. 

Actions to take: Determine the stuff you love most about being single. Then determine these stuff you wish to have with a loving associate. Be sincere with your self about what issues most to you. If you wish to retain management over your funds, for instance, discover somebody who needs to take care of separate accounts.

8. You retain telling your self, “I’m fantastic by myself.” 

You consider you could possibly be blissful as a single individual. In spite of everything, you don’t want somebody to make you content. So, you cease making an attempt. However someday, you catch your self considering, “Life is sweet… However it could be even higher if I had somebody wonderful to get pleasure from it with?” 

Actions to take: Be sincere about what you’re hoping you’ll have with a loving associate. What do you worth essentially the most about being in a dedicated relationship? And till you meet the proper individual for that, what may you do to make every day extra significant? 

9. You make guidelines primarily based on previous disappointments. 

You had such nice chemistry with the final individual you dated, nevertheless it didn’t work out. So, now you inform your self you’re not relationship anybody to whom you’re feeling strongly attracted. And also you date a string of individuals with whom you’re feeling zero connection.

Actions to take: Your chemistry was by no means the explanation that relationship failed. So, eliminate guidelines that blame the unsuitable factor for the ache you’ve needed to undergo. Your previous relationships don’t outline your current or future ones. Let there be magic. 

10. You’re simply too busy. 

You may have a lot in your plate. There’s valuable little time for relationship, not to mention for a dedicated relationship with somebody who will wish to spend time with you on daily basis

You’d be cooking for 2 unexpectedly when for months, you’ve been making do with sandwiches and soup. And what if a relationship makes you dangerous at your job?

Actions to take: Time for some analysis. It is advisable guarantee you may have a sensible concept of the time funding required to take care of a relationship. Discuss to somebody you realize who’s in a wholesome, dedicated relationship and get a few of your questions answered. 

Secondly, ask your self what you is perhaps keen to surrender or pare right down to make room for relationship and, finally, a dedicated relationship with somebody who’s utterly price it.

11. You’ve prioritized different issues over relationships or assembly new folks. 

You’ve discovered your blissful place, and it shields you from not solely the drama of sad relationships but additionally the danger of heartbreak or disappointment. 

But a part of you continue to needs to fulfill somebody who shall be price ditching these distractions and going all in. So, it’s time to type out what’s actually essential to you. 

Actions to take: Make an inventory of all the things you wish to maintain in your life — all the things you don’t wish to surrender (and I imply for anybody). Then make an inventory of stuff you’d be keen to surrender to spend extra time with the sort of individual you’re in search of. 

For now, use the time you’d save to make assembly that individual extra seemingly. 

12. It is advisable let go of some issues first.

There’s no room for an additional somebody in your life as a result of there’s barely sufficient room for you. Earlier than you start a severe seek for a particular individual to share your on daily basis with, it’s time to let go of the issues which are cluttering up your life and holding you again. 

Actions to take: Take one room at a time and type all the things in it into three piles: “Toss,” “Donate,” or “Preserve.” The stuff within the “Preserve” pile ought to earn its place — since you use it, you want it, otherwise you like it. Ditch or donate the remaining. It feels good. 

And also you’ll create room in your life for one thing you’ll love much more. 

13. You haven’t met the proper individual. 

I do know this sounds cliché, nevertheless it may very effectively be that the primary motive you’re nonetheless single is you simply haven’t met somebody who would make your life higher than it’s. 

It doesn’t imply you’ll by no means meet the proper individual. However while you do, you’ll admire all of them the extra. And possibly that’s the purpose. 

Actions to take: Preserve an open thoughts while you’re assembly new folks, however don’t be in a rush to settle or to get to the following degree with somebody who’s “ok for now.” Spend time on daily basis in your private progress, so while you do meet this individual, you’ll be the sort of individual you’d need for them. 

14. You Journey a Lot

Do you spend much less time in your house than in resorts throughout the nation or worldwide? Are you unable to have a pet since you’re by no means dwelling? Have you ever thought-about turning it into an Airbnb so it doesn’t sit empty on a regular basis?

Should you’re all the time on the highway, you might not have the time to foster a relationship. 

Actions To Take: If you wish to quiet down, making room in your life is critical. Should you can not decelerate due to your job but wish to discover a associate, in search of somebody who understands your schedule is the best way to go. 

15. You Don’t Know What You Need in a Companion

Should you’re nonetheless unclear about what you need in a associate and relationship, the possibility of discovering one which works diminishes. Individuals who discover themselves on this cycle usually exit on a number of dates, however all of them peter out pretty rapidly.  

Actions To Take: Assess your earlier relationships objectively. Why did they fail? Have been there any pink flags you ignored? Dissecting why issues didn’t work might help illuminate what is going to.

16. Your Way of life Isn’t Conducive To Partnership

It’s your decision a relationship, however your way of life will not be conducive to at least one. 


The explanations are infinite, however frequent causes embrace one thing as small as being alarmingly messy to as giant as you may have an unaddressed substance abuse drawback. 

Actions To Take: Do you solely eat cereal? Are you a hoarder? Do you not consider in showering greater than as soon as a month? In case your way of life falls outdoors the Overton Window, and you’ve got a powerful want for a associate, you might must reign issues in — or discover somebody with the identical quirks.

17. You Don’t Get pleasure from Intercourse

Folks speak loads concerning the wonders of intercourse and learn how to make it extra pleasurable. However some of us merely aren’t huge followers. Tilted uteruses could make intercourse extremely uncomfortable for some girls, and being asexual may be an element. Some people are in search of an emotionally intimate partnership as a substitute of a bodily one.

Actions To Take: You may have two choices: study to get pleasure from intercourse extra or discover somebody who additionally isn’t huge into bodily intimacy.

18. You Have an Unbearable Persona

Perhaps we’re not presupposed to acknowledge it, however we genuinely wish to assist — and generally, which means dealing with your personal faults. Are you smug? A blatant hypocrite? Or possibly you’re the sort of one who dumps associates as a result of they don’t make sufficient cash or get pleasure from sufficient standing? 

It might be difficult to acknowledge issues like this about oneself, however well worth the effort. You’ll be happier and construct higher relationships. 

Actions To Take: Head straight to a therapist who might help you unearth previous traumas inflicting you ache. 9 instances out of ten, a persona concern is expounded to one thing that has occurred to you. Additionally, self-development work can help your counseling periods. 

19. You’re Within the Flawed Place

In some ways, your act is collectively. You’re fantastic with the logistics of your life, and also you’ve finished the arduous work required to grow to be a completely functioning grownup, together with confronting your shadow self. 

However you’re within the unsuitable place and having issue discovering the proper lid on your pot. Perhaps you’re an avant-garde artist residing in a rural farm neighborhood or a 4H fanatic smack in the course of downtown Manhattan. 

Actions To Take: It might be time to maneuver. Search for jobs in locations which will show extra worthwhile romantically. Or, strive a long-distance relationship. With developments in video calling, LDRs are way more manageable today.

20. Your Style in Companions Wants an Improve

Is your picker broken? Do you ceaselessly end up in relationships with folks extra suited to Dante’s Ninth Circle than in your arm? Some persons are born with a damaged romance radar. It’s attainable to repair, however doing so requires effort.

Actions To Take: First, map out patterns in your earlier relationships. Then, go for one thing completely different. See what occurs!

21. Subconsciously, You Don’t Need To Be in a Relationship

You assume you wish to be in a relationship. On the floor, it feels that means. However is your unconscious aligned along with your acutely aware ideas? Typically, we sabotage alternatives as a result of beneath all of it, we don’t need the factor for which we’re outwardly striving.

Actions To Take: Strive conscious meditation. Concentrate on marrying your acutely aware and unconscious minds. Journaling can even assist uncover when you genuinely wish to be in a relationship or if singledom is for you.

How Do You Know If You Will Be Single Ceaselessly? 

Simply since you’re nonetheless single at this level doesn’t imply you all the time shall be. It could possibly be you simply haven’t met the sort of individual you’d need to spend the following a number of a long time with. You’re not alone in that.

However how will you make sure you gained’t be single for the remainder of your life? A number of the following suggestions ought to sound acquainted:

  • Preserve an open thoughts whereas assembly new folks (or contemplating a date).
  • Volunteer or lend your time and vitality to assist these you wouldn’t often meet.
  • Discover methods to fulfill a wide range of folks and get out of your consolation zone. 
  • Know what you need and don’t accept much less, however maintain your requirements affordable. 
  • Preserve pink flags in thoughts, so that you don’t waste valuable time on poisonous folks.
  • Preserve working in your vanity, schooling, and private progress. 

If you wish to meet somebody badly sufficient, you’ll discover a means. It’d take you outdoors your regular social circle or your recurring route. 

Likelihood is, the individual you most wish to meet is ready for you — outdoors your “regular.” 

Remaining ideas

Why Are You Nonetheless Single?

Now that you simply’ve appeared by way of the most typical causes you’re nonetheless single, which one stood out for you as the perfect match? And what is going to you do immediately to enhance your probabilities of assembly somebody fantastic? 

Make it your purpose to domesticate the perfect situations for assembly the sort of individual you’d wish to spend extra time with. 

  • Be part of a e book membership. 
  • Spend extra time interacting in a favourite social media group. 
  • Join “Occasions and Adventures.”
  • Volunteer to serve folks in your neighborhood or one other one. 
  • Take a part-time job that includes customer support. 

No matter you do, don’t simply maintain doing what you’ve been doing and watch for it to lastly work. Your time is valuable — and the identical goes for the individual you wish to meet. 

Be relentless. 

The question, “Why am I alone?” is proof enough you don't want to be single for the rest of your life. Read on to find the reasons why you are still single.
I am Christian Nnakuzierem Alozie (Kris Kuzie Alozie). A native of Eziama Nneato in Umunneochi LGA, Abia State, Nigeria. I am an inspirational writer and a motivational speaker. And above all, a lover of charity.

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