11 Causes Letting Go Is Arduous and What to Do 

Have you ever ever clung to one thing you knew was incorrect or poisonous or puzzled, “Why is it so laborious to let go of somebody who’s horrible for you?”


You’re human, and letting one thing go is a standard impediment.

However clearing it needs to be your aim as a result of clinging to negativity and grudges erodes well-being. 

So for those who’re prepared to start out dwelling the life you need (and deserve), it could be time to shed some emotional baggage. 

And that’s what we’re tackling immediately: the artwork of letting go.

Why Is Letting Go So Arduous?

When you concentrate on it, life is a journey of detachment, starting a number of seconds after we kick and scream our manner into the world and somebody cuts the umbilical wire.

And the cycle continues all through life. Leaving house for elements of the day when beginning pre-school; dropping child tooth; departing the nest as a younger grownup; ending romances and friendships that not serve you; quitting a job that makes you depressing — they’re all types of wholesome detachment.  

Making these transitions — leaving issues behind and letting go — isn’t all the time straightforward. In fact, it hardly ever is. 

woman in the beach holding hands letting go is hard

However why? If impermanence and detachment are a pure a part of the human expertise, why is letting go so tough? 

We’ll discover particular causes under, however typically talking, it may be laborious to let go as a result of:

  • Stubbornness: We people love to consider ourselves as super-advanced beings, and in lots of regards, we’re proper. However one factor we often overlook — (or select to disregard) — is that our perceptions are hopelessly tainted. We don’t see issues as they really are however how we’re and favor our story variations. 
  • Perspective: Life is a sequence of classes. With a bit of luck, we develop and alter for the higher with every revolution across the solar. However our views are sometimes discovered wanting because of lack of expertise, publicity, or consideration.  
  • Immaturity: Previous or younger, immaturity generally grabs maintain of our senses and refuses to depart. We discover ourselves stamping our ft and plugging our ears for no matter motive.   
  • Trauma: Unaddressed trauma is a festering emotional tumor; the bigger it grows, the extra problematic it turns into.

11 Causes Letting Go Is Arduous and What to Do 

We’ve mentioned a number of fundamentals concerning the difficulties of letting go. Now let’s discover the explanations we maintain on.

1. You’re Nonetheless Connected

Emotional or mental attachment will be the motive you’re having problem letting one thing or somebody go. Once we stay invested in a state of affairs or individual, we cling to it or them.

On the brilliant facet, clinging to emotional attachments is commonplace, so there’s tons of data on how you can detach your self emotionally from poisonous lovers, buddies, and relations.

Motion Steps: Get studying. As talked about, a wealth of data and assets can be found. Soak up what the consultants should say and put their recommendation into motion. 

2. You Don’t Need To Give Up Components of Your self

Our views and opinions outline our personalities and habits. They’re main elements of our interpersonal blueprints.

Generally, that’s a superb factor. However holding onto corrosive attitudes and poisonous relationships erodes psychological well being.

An lack of ability to let go could also be your ego greedy its present configuration. It’s snug, doesn’t wish to undergo the tough work of adjusting, and due to this fact desperately tries to persuade you to remain put.

Motion Steps: In case your intuition to carry on is related to a way of self, take into account the Buddhist idea of impermanence.  

3. You Need To Be Proper

One of the crucial difficult habits to interrupt is the must be right. Since our identities are inextricably linked with our ideas, values, and decisions, difficult these issues looks like a risk or assault. 

Furthermore, almost all societies worth “being right.” Although we’re informed it’s high quality to be incorrect, make errors, or fail, the alternative message is subconsciously drilled into our psyches from a younger age. Our tradition values and prioritizes winners over losers.

Sadly, we internalize this win-or-else messaging and develop more and more hooked up to our positions. 

However no one lives a faultless life. All of us mess up. Our views aren’t all the time right. 

And as such, studying how you can acknowledge missteps gracefully is important to being a well-adjusted, form, fair-minded model of your self.   

Motion Steps: Studying books about psychology and sociology supplies perception into the human mind’s erratic nature. Once we turn into conscious of its quirks and fallibility, we’re much less more likely to cling to rotten concepts and damaging relationships. It additionally makes it simpler to apologize whenever you’re incorrect. 

4. You’ve But To Dissect Your Childhood

Our childhood vastly affect our worldviews, opinions, and habits. In a manner, ages 0 – 18 are an indoctrination interval. Consciously and subconsciously, we take in and undertake the life-style and assumptions of these round us. 

When it’s time to depart the nest, many individuals start to look at their lives from completely different angles, making minor tweaks or large adjustments alongside the best way to suit who they’ve turn into.

They pointedly take into account whether or not the values they have been fed as a toddler match their grownup sensibilities. 

People by no means dissect their lives and blindly stick to what they have been taught. Folks on this camp have a tendency to hold onto issues, even when confronted with convincing, opposite proof.  

Motion Steps: It might be difficult, however a big a part of self-development is inspecting why you’re the manner you’re and whether or not these causes are legitimate. Whether or not you enlist the assistance of knowledgeable or go the DIY route is as much as you. Both manner, it’s very important to be as trustworthy with your self as doable.   

5. You’re Clinging to a Facade

The well-known sociologist Irving Goffman wrote extensively about people navigating group dynamics. Finally (and easily acknowledged), he concluded that each individual slips right into a facade earlier than going through the world every day. 

young woman feeling at peace letting go is hard

When our facades are just like our real personalities, “sporting” it doesn’t have dangerous psychological results.

However generally, individuals’s exteriors naked zero resemblance to their true selves. Furthermore, they turn into so snug within the facade that eradicating it turns into a scary proposition. 

So, when issues you want to launch are linked to your facade, letting go takes on a complete new significance. As a result of at that time, you’re primarily being challenged to take off your emotional armor.   

Motion Steps: Placing on a public face is regular. However issues come up when there’s a cavernous trench between who you really are and what you need individuals to imagine.

If you end up in one in every of these untenable relationships with your self, it could be time for a psychological makeover with an eye fixed towards being extra genuine.

6. The Concern Conflicts With Your Thought of Beliefs

You’ve achieved all of the laborious work of discovering your self. Your viewpoints are thought-about, your opinions researched, and also you’ve even battled it out together with your shadow self. 

After which, sooner or later, you encounter a nugget of data that would power you to rethink one thing you maintain pricey, whether or not an idea, understanding, or particular person.

Because you’ve labored laborious to get the place you’re, the considered being incorrect could really feel ominous and terrifying. Frankly, you don’t have the vitality to vary once more! So as a substitute, you ignore the possibly offending truth and cling to your view.  

Motion Steps: That is one other occasion the place learning the idea of impermanence is helpful. Grow to be snug with the concept the work of being you — being human — is neverending. 

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7. You Have a Psychological Well being Distinction

Within the not-too-distant previous, psychological well being was a taboo matter. It was a type of issues that folks whispered about, and people who noticed therapists definitely didn’t share that info freely. 

Fortunately, issues have modified. Lately, remedy, teaching, and counseling are as typical as a bacon-and-egg breakfast. 

Nevertheless, when you’ve got an unaddressed psychological well being difficulty, you’re extra more likely to make poor choices and hold onto negativity in all its types, making letting go tough.

Motion Steps: Should you suspect you’ve a number of psychological well being hurdles that want addressing, enlist a therapist. Don’t assume you possibly can’t afford it. First, verify to see in case your insurance coverage covers it.

If not, take into account exploring one of many on-line remedy choices; most have packages for varied budgets. Additionally, verify round for community-based packages that could be free or very low-cost. 

8. The Battle Provides You Goal

Do you derive goal from the factor you’re refusing to relinquish? Hope? Confidence? In that case, you’re much less more likely to let it go. In spite of everything, we crave goal, and if a grudge or unhealthy relationship supplies some construction, your ego could not wish to let it go.

For instance, let’s say “Pat’s” associate “Chris” has a binge-drinking drawback. Each Friday night time, Chris stumbles house wasted, and Pat will get Chris safely and comfortably into mattress.

Since Pat is a individuals pleaser who derives satisfaction from making others pleased, this inebriation ritual has given Pat a way of goal within the relationship…nonetheless twisted.   

In our instance, Pat most likely is aware of, deep down, that she wants to chop ties with Chris. Along with the Friday night time routine, Chris takes Pat as a right, and the connection is caught in impartial. Deep down, Pat is aware of it’s time to let go, however the relationship’s unhealthy dynamics give her a way of goal.

Motion Steps: The important thing to breaking this cycle is objectivity and self-reflection. Make a pro-con checklist concerning the relationship. Which facet wins? Ask your self the laborious questions on why you’re staying when it’s clearly not working.  

9. You Don’t Understand You’re Holding On

Human brains are unbelievable, however they’re not infallible. In truth, because of implicit assumptions and experiential biases, our minds often get it incorrect, inaccurately filling in holes and failing to contemplate pertinent elements.

Maybe there’s no higher instance of the mind’s defective tendencies than when it tips you into believing you want one thing horrible for you — whether or not a substance, individual, or perception system. 

You might not even notice you’re clutching one thing rotten in these conditions.

Motion Steps: Meditation is a superb solution to turn into higher acquainted together with your mind; plus, it affords psychological readability, permitting you to see life because it really is, which ends up in higher decision-making and improved life satisfaction.

10. You’re Frightened of the Various

Clinging to somebody or one thing out of concern of being alone or different imagined downsides is frequent. Possibly you’re going via a interval the place having a plus-one feels essential (in fact, it by no means is).

Or maybe inspecting another view would shatter your present identification, which feels too overwhelming to deal with for the time being.

man rock climbing holding on letting go is hard

Regardless of the circumstance, your lack of ability to toss apart that which not serves you would be a concern drawback.

Motion Steps: Work on going through your fears. They’re the quantity factor holding you again from dwelling the life you need.

11. The Sunk-Price Fallacy Has a Maintain Over You

Have you ever ever heard of the sunk-cost fallacy? It’s the false perception that it is best to proceed alongside a doomed or incorrect path merely since you’ve already invested materials, emotional, or private assets. 

Briefly, it’s the act of “digging your ft in.”

Initially, the reasoning appears sound. In spite of everything, we’re not purported to abandon issues and folks throughout laborious occasions, proper? In some instances, sure. That’s true. However in others? Not a lot.

Motion Steps: Resilience helps in these conditions. Studying to chop losses and never letting remorse weigh you down are priceless abilities to grasp. They’ll additionally assist you to keep away from staying in dead-end conditions.

Last Ideas

We hope we supplied some perception into why you might be holding on to stuff you not want. As soon as you determine your cocktail of causes, slowly start engaged on them.

Don’t beat your self up if it takes time. Altering is difficult. Simply hold plugging away. 

Inside time, you’ll construct up the boldness and make the behavioral adjustments essential to greatest place your self and let go of the muck. Good luck!

It's human nature to hold onto things even when it's not healthy anymore. Find out why letting go is hard and what can you do in this post.
I am Christian Nnakuzierem Alozie (Kris Kuzie Alozie). A native of Eziama Nneato in Umunneochi LGA, Abia State, Nigeria. I am an inspirational writer and a motivational speaker. And above all, a lover of charity.

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