55 Of The Funniest Quotes About Marriage [Complete list]

No matter we take into consideration marriage, the reality is that it is a crucial occasion in an individual’s life. That’s why many celebrities have spoken out about marriage – humorous or sarcastic.

Here’s a listing of humorous quotes a couple of completely happy marriage that may make you smile, but additionally thinks.

55 Of The Funniest Quotes About Marriage

1.“Some folks ask the key of our lengthy marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two instances per week. Slightly candlelight, dinner, gentle music, and dancing? she goes Tuesdays, I’m going Fridays.” – Henry Youngman

2.” Marriage is an alliance entered into by a person who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a lady who can’t sleep with the window open.” – George Bernard Shaw

3.“Look, you wish to know what marriage is basically like? High-quality. You get up, she’s there. You come again from work, she’s there. You go to sleep, she’s there. You eat dinner, she’s there. You realize? I imply, I do know that seems like a foul factor, however it’s not” – Ray Barone

4.“My most sensible achievement was my potential to steer my spouse to marry me”- Winston Churchill

5.“Being an excellent husband is like being a stand-up comedian. You want ten years earlier than you may name your self a newbie” – Jerry Seinfeld

6.” A protracted marriage is 2 folks attempting to bounce a duet and two solos on the similar time.” – Anne Taylor Fleming

7.” Marriages are like fingerprints; every one is completely different and every one is gorgeous.” – Maggie Reyes

8.“I believe males who’ve a pierced ear are higher ready for marriage. They’ve skilled ache and acquired jewellery” – Rita Rudner

9.“I requested my dad as soon as, ‘How did you and Mum keep married for thirty-three years? And he mentioned, ‘Nicely, we by no means wished to get divorced on the similar time’” – Gwyneth Paltrow

tenth of Funniest Quotes

10.“Marriage is sort of a online game. Begins off simple, then will get tougher, and finally, you go browsing and discover a method to cheat.” — Chris Burns

11.“The easiest way to get most husbands to do one thing is to recommend that maybe they’re too outdated to do it.” — Ann Bancroft

12.“Marriage is basically powerful as a result of it’s important to take care of emotions … and legal professionals.” —Richard Pryor

13.“By all means marry; when you get an excellent spouse/husband, you’ll be completely happy. When you get a foul one, you’ll change into a thinker.” — Socrates

14.“Marriage is just like the IKEA of relationships. Straightforward to stroll into, complicated to piece collectively, and troublesome to exit.”— Jay Gallagher


15.” The distinction between an strange marriage and a unprecedented marriage is in giving just a bit additional daily, as typically as attainable, for so long as we each shall stay.” – Fawn Weaver

16.” The purpose in marriage is to not suppose alike, however to suppose collectively.” – Robert Dodd

17.“Males marry girls with the hope they are going to by no means change. Girls marry males with the hope they are going to change. Invariably they’re each disenchanted.” —Albert Einstein

18.“All males make errors, however married males discover out about them sooner.” —Pink Skelton

19.“Earlier than marriage, a lady has to make like to a person to carry him. After marriage, she has to carry him to make like to him.” — Marilyn Monroe

twentieth of Funniest Quotes

20.“Many a person in love with a dimple makes the error of marrying the entire woman.” — Stephen Leacock

21.“Marriage is the bond between an individual who by no means remembers anniversaries and one other who by no means forgets them.” — Ogden Nash

22.” Being in a protracted marriage is a bit of bit like that good cup of espresso each morning – I may need it daily, however I nonetheless take pleasure in it. – Stephen Gaines

23.” Marriage is sort of a cellphone name within the evening: first the ring, and then you definitely get up.” – Evelyn Hendrickson

24.“Any clever lady who reads the wedding contract, after which goes into it, deserves all the implications.” — Isadora Duncan

25.“Hold your eyes vast open earlier than marriage, half shut afterward.” —Benjamin Franklin

26.“Marriage – a guide of which the primary chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.” — Beverley Nichols

27.“All marriages are completely happy. It’s the residing collectively afterward that causes all the difficulty.” — Raymond Hull

28.“By no means get married in faculty; it’s arduous to get a begin if a potential employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.” — Elbert Hubbard

29.” An archeologist is the very best husband a lady can have. The older she will get, the extra he’s in her.” — Agatha Christie

thirtieth of Funniest Quotes

30.” The person who says his spouse can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.” — Oscar Wilde

31.”Marriage is sort of a sport of chess, besides the board is flowing water, the items are manufactured from smoke and no transfer you make can have any impact on the result.” — Jerry Seinfeld

32.“A person desires too many issues earlier than marriage, however solely peace after it.” ― Pawan Mishra

33.“To see a person’s true colours, inform him that you simply don’t plan on having intercourse with him. To see a lady’s true colours, inform her that you simply don’t plan on marrying her.” ― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

34.“Most of a husband’s life is spent in doing analysis on his spouse.” ― Pawan Mishra

35.“Marriage is the Rubik’s Dice of the twenty first Century – one thing younger persons are fascinated with however has no concept how one can do.” ― Stewart Stafford

Associated: 65 Greatest Humorous Quotes About Love (Assortment 2022)

36.” My spouse clothes to kill. She cooks the identical method.” – Henry Youngman

37.” Marrying a person is like shopping for one thing you’ve been admiring for a very long time in a store window. Chances are you’ll find it irresistible whenever you get it residence, however it doesn’t at all times go together with every little thing else in the home.” – Jean Kerr

38.“I by no means knew what actual happiness was till I obtained married. And by then it was too late.” – Max Kauffmann

39.“Getting married is rather a lot like moving into a bath of sizzling water. After you get used to it, it ain’t so sizzling.” – Minnie Pearl

fortieth of Funniest Quotes

40.“Behind each profitable man is a shocked lady.” – Maryon Pearson

41.“A marriage is rather like a funeral besides that you simply get to odor your individual flowers.” – Grace Hansen

42.” If you’d like your spouse to take heed to you, then discuss to a different lady; she might be all ears.” – Sigmund Freud

43.” Marriage is our final, finest probability to develop up.” – Joseph Barth

44.” The nice secret of a profitable marriage is to deal with all disasters as incidents and not one of the incidents as disasters.” – Harold George Nicolson

45.” Marriage is widespread as a result of it combines the utmost of temptation with the utmost of alternative.” – George Bernard Shaw

46.” When a person opens a automotive door for his spouse, it’s both a brand new automotive or a brand new spouse.” – Prince Phillip

47.” How marriage ruins a person. It’s as demoralizing as cigarettes and much costlier.” – Oscar Wilde

48.” I like being married. It’s so nice to seek out that one particular particular person you wish to annoy for the remainder of your life.” – Rita Rudner

49.” Marriage is an try to unravel issues collectively which you didn’t even have whenever you have been by yourself.” – Eddie Cantor

fiftieth of Funniest Quotes

50.” At all times get married within the morning. That method if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the entire day.” – Mickey Rooney

51.” I’ve realized that solely two issues are essential to preserve one’s spouse completely happy. First, let her suppose she’s having her personal method. And second, let her have it.” – Lyndon B. Johnson

52.” Marriage is give and take. You’d higher give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.” – Joey Adams

53.”I’m going to get married once more as a result of I’m extra mature now, and I would like some kitchen stuff.” – Wendy Liebman

54.” Why do married folks stay longer than single folks? I believe it’s as a result of married folks make a particular effort to stay longer than their companion – simply to allow them to have the final phrase.” – Janet Periat

55.” The husband who desires a cheerful marriage ought to study to maintain his mouth shut and his checkbook open.” – Groucho Marx

Associated: 120 Greatest Humorous Quotes


I am Christian Nnakuzierem Alozie (Kris Kuzie Alozie). A native of Eziama Nneato in Umunneochi LGA, Abia State, Nigeria. I am an inspirational writer and a motivational speaker. And above all, a lover of charity.

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