“I get it now.”
It was 4 magic phrases mentioned to me by my then-boyfriend. We’d been dwelling collectively for just a few weeks earlier than I had an enormous level-10 migraine. I appeared like dying. I felt prefer it, too. I cried in mattress whereas I held a chilly, moist washcloth over my brow and eyes, making an attempt to will the solar out of the sky, the Earth from spinning, my mind from rebelling in opposition to me. Me, an individual who usually withstands ache like a chilly, unmoving statue. Now sobbing into our comforter.
He’d by no means seen it earlier than. Up till this level, he’d solely heard about my migraines by way of my very own descriptions. After we first began relationship, I used to be feeling notably horrible and needed to cancel plans. “I’m sick,” I mentioned, feeling like a corpse.
“Oh, what’s unsuitable?” he requested with concern.
“I’ve a migraine.” I might barely get the phrases out, I used to be to date down the migraine gap. All communication abilities had been washed away when the dam broke.
“Oh…that’s a bizarre strategy to describe it. That you just’re sick.” He didn’t perceive why I’d use that phrase. Why I’d describe it in the identical approach that you just’d say you had a chilly or the flu. To him, it was most likely only a fancy strategy to say I had a headache.
I let that one go on the time. I didn’t have a lot vitality to elucidate when most of my mind was so targeted on the ache.
However now, freshly moved in collectively, he might see the illness in my face. I appeared pale. All the sunshine and happiness had drained from my eyes. I used to be respiration closely, sobbing. I used to be nauseous, delicate to gentle and sound. Even to the untrained eye, it was clear this wasn’t “only a headache.” It was extra. It was monumental. And sadly, it was routine. Whereas this was my first level-10 migraine whereas dwelling collectively, it actually wouldn’t be the final.
He noticed me that day, and he lastly knew. “I get it now,” he mentioned as he introduced me a glass of water, as he re-filled the massive bowl of ice water I stored at my bedside to refresh the rag on my head.
He received it. Not simply that day, however each canceled plan after. Each time my world crashed to a halt because of a neurological dysfunction I had no management over. That’s what it was wish to be with somebody who understood and cared about what I used to be going by way of. Within the three years we lived collectively, he re-filled my ice water, gave me neck massages any time the stress constructed precariously near triggering a full-blown migraine, stored the condo quiet whereas I suffered alone in our darkened bed room. Whereas it won’t have been the fairytale dwelling preparations both or us had envisioned, it introduced us nearer collectively.
It’s onerous to seek out individuals who really perceive the wrestle in the event that they haven’t skilled migraines themselves. Even household won’t get it. However discovering a companion who understands is to be really seen.
He set the precedent. He’s the ruler I measure all current and future romantic prospects by. As somebody with a continual sickness, I can’t settle for something lower than a loving and accepting companion. And neither must you.