Vulnerability is overrated. That’s it. That’s the tweet.
Enjoyable story – I really sat down subsequent to Brene Brown in a Portland classroom “greenroom” whereas we have been each on the brink of do breakout talks at one of many first WDS occasions 10+ years in the past.
Nice woman, after which subsequent yr she went on to provide her TED discuss on vulnerability that’s obtained some 17M views and counting. Nice job Brene!
Possibly on the time, vulnerability wanted some PR, however it’s gone means too far.
Vulnerability has taken over a complete part of social media the place folks write blogs, do podcasts or do tik toks to gradual, unhappy piano music of issues they’re insecure about that get thousands and thousands of views.
It’s not simply unhelpful. It’s miserable.
You could have superb folks as an alternative of being inspiriting speaking about what they’re superb at and the bounds of human potential – speaking about issues that they’re unhealthy at – like bookkeeping.
It’s turn into this ritual – like some kind of bizarre, secular confessional the place folks have to inform folks they’re not good as a result of they don’t prefer to bookkeep (though they’ve a tremendous enterprise, work out like a maniac, and have an important relationship).
For those who’re nailing the large issues – guess what? Nobody cares when you suck at bookkeeping.
Everybody hates accounting (when you love accounting, we respect you).
This public sharing of vulnerability isn’t simply unhelpful and uninspiring. It’s borderline harmful.
It rewires your mind to suppose loser ideas.
- “I’m good at this one factor, however I’m not that nice at this different factor (that doesn’t really matter)”
- “I’m sort of unhealthy at this.”
- Then you definitely give attention to that.
- Then you definitely begin believing it.
- Then, you begin performing out what you imagine.
- “I’m unhealthy at issues”
The worst half? The way you do something is the way you do every little thing. Your ideas bleed into different components of your life.
And the main target you placed on the stuff you’re unhealthy at turns into beliefs that you just begin to carry over into the areas of life the place you really excel and gradual you down there.
Cease it.
For those who’re unhealthy at one thing – cool. Your purpose with the stuff you’re unhealthy is to not make them your strengths. The purpose must be to your weaknesses to not kill you.
That’s it. Get ok at them for to not be mortal deficiencies or main hindrances to your objectives.
You won’t be nice – that’s high-quality. However are they ok? That’s satisfactory. Or higher – get another person who’s nice to do it for you.
Then give attention to what you’re good at.
In some respects, your vulnerability isn’t simply not helpful – it’s irrelevant. As a result of it’s not killing you and you’ve got somebody to select up the slack – when you get the large issues proper – your weaknesses received’t really matter.
For those who’re nonetheless laser centered on sharing your weaknesses – there may be a number of the reason why:
You won’t be nearly as good as you think about you might be at one thing you care about (emphasis essential).
If that’s you – the purpose shouldn’t be to be susceptible. It’s to repair the issue and be higher.
I had to try this earlier this yr. I wasn’t fats. However I wasn’t not fats both. For [someone who runs a fitness site], that’s a troublesome capsule to swallow. However I took a check, obtained an goal outcomes after which made some adjustments.
You benefit from the dopamine hit that comes with reward from sharing vulnerability – however don’t need to need to do the precise arduous work.
This implies you get all of the dopamine with out really addressing the problem or engaging in the arduous factor. As a substitute, you simply need to share that you just’re not good at one thing and get the identical (or much more) suggestions.
That’s much more harmful because it’s negatively incentivizing you to maintain being susceptible as an alternative of both 1) patching the weak spot or 2) engaging in the troublesome factor.
The purpose of humility is to behave as a buffer towards you believing your individual BS. From changing into the subsequent Elizabeth Holmes, Adam Neuman, or Icarus and flying too near the solar. These folks misinform themselves a lot that once they’re speaking to different folks – they’re not mendacity – they imagine it and finally their disconnect from actuality is their downfall.
But when humility turns into this public self-flagellation the place you by no means can really act since you’re too busy being susceptible and humble – you’re doing it incorrect. And it’s not even a useful trait. It’s dangerous – to you and others.
We get it – you’re susceptible and never good. Spoiler alert: no person is. That’s all baked into the assumptions by you being human.
The query therefor – provided that premise – is – “now what?”
My reply?
Concentrate on what you’re good at. Then be f-cking superb at it.
You could have unimaginable issues to do. Get to work.
That’s all.
That is out there as a rant on Instagram or Tiktok as effectively.